MY STORY:

She laid there, in the darkness; tired eyes still filled with sleep and the mind trying to focus. Why was she awake? Another wave hit, her body coiled, knees to chest, and arms tightly circled her legs. Her mind was fully awakened by the screams of her body. The pain was everywhere. She tried to relax. Looking out the bedroom window she could see the dark sky. There were no stars, yet she could see clearly the clouds passing the window. What shapes did she see? The Doctors said to think of other things, do not think of the pain, but what did they know. It was obvious they had not felt this type of hurt. This endless black hole.

Her body began to relax. Her mind allowed her to drift off to that place just before sleep. She heard the tinkling of the chimes, just outside the window, moving from a gentle breeze. Then another wave of pain, this time, it did not completely stop. She shifted her weight in bed hoping repositioning might help. It didn't. The pain continued. She felt the cramping of muscles in her legs; the joints felt like they were on fire. There was nothing she could do to find a comfort zone.

The darkness and silence of her room did not help. She looked at the clock; it was 2 AM. She knew sleep was not happening right away as yet another spasm hit. She must let her mind go to another place.

Getting out of bed, her body responded to the movement with great resentment. Moving was a struggle, but she managed to cross the room, the carpet soft to her bare feet. She sat down at her desk, and rocked gently. She pulled the blanket around her, thinking the extra heat might help. Her mind knew better, but she was willing to try anything at this point.

Her hands hurt as she reached to push the ON button of the computer. Hoping a friend or two might be online.
Waiting for the program to start, her mind drifted to an earlier conversation. Her best friend suggested a computer to occupy some of the time. She laughed, thought how dumb, to set and waste hours at a computer talking to people with phony names.

She lost the argument. Her son agreed to cover the costs, she had no excuses left but to try for a little while. She thought this would please them and keep everyone off her back. When she returned to work in a few months, they would drop the idea, and go back to their own worlds, forgetting all this nonsense. The pain, however, got worse. She did not return to work. She faced many long and lonely hours. She needed something besides the oppressive pain.

To her amazement, she enjoyed and learned how the machine worked. The people were nice, and fun to talk with. There were those that shared the same interests, and others new information. A different World opened before her eyes. Within a few weeks she had several new friends. They shared stories about themselves, their families, both the good and the bad. They laughed together, and with some tears were shed due to the lost memories of love.

It was late, but there was a familiar name. He was in another time zone. As the uh-oh sounded, she quickly saw that he had messaged her. The conversation began she felt her body beginning to relax. The blanket slid off her shoulders but she did not notice. She typed slowly due to the cramping of her joints; he was patient.

They talked about the day, the weather, his car, his kids and his wife's cold. She listened; she shifted in the chair from time to time, trying to ease the pain. Finally, her mind was somewhere else. She did not notice the next wave of pain.

Others came online, and she chatted with them. She could visit different countries, seeing through their eyes. They sent pictures of the countryside, pets, and family.

Time passed quickly. She glanced out her window, noticing the light of dawn approaching. She looked at the clock on the computer and realized four hours had slipped away. So had the pain. She said her good-byes and then reached for the OFF button on the computer. She slowly stood, with little pain, and returned to her bed. She drifted off to sleep knowing that her friends would be there when she needed them. A smile crossed her face, as peaceful sleep took her.

Gloria revised 4/6/99

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